


Swipe Right

by BeHappy (BeHappy215)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4772789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeHappy215/pseuds/BeHappy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little AU. Ashlyn Harris is recovering from a nasty breakup that makes her question life, love, and herself.</p><p>With her friend's encouragement, she decides to jump back into dating again but will she find someone serious or is it just all for fun and games?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She broke up with me the day before Thanksgiving. Things weren't what they used to be anyways but she decided to break things off when she realized that she never wanted to meet my family since we weren't going to last much longer. 

To say she changed me is an understatement. She taught me how to love someone so blindly and deeply that I felt like our relationship and our love was invincible. I genuinely felt that our relationship was the happiest I had ever been but fortunately, I no longer crave or desire that feeling anymore. 

Do I still believe in true love? Yes, of course. I'm still a romantic at heart; however, I realized that so much of my happiness was dependent on someone else. Despite being my girlfriend at the time and someone I openly proclaimed to be the love of my life, I shouldn't have been dependent on her for my happiness. I should have realized sooner because I was basing my happiness off someone who I couldn't and shouldn't control. My happiness is my responsibility, not hers. 

But a stupid 18 year old me didn't know any better. 

It took me years to process everything in a healthy way. At first, I hated her and I was angry at everything that was associated with her. Then, I drank to numb the pain. I drank to ease the social awkwardness I seem to have acquired overnight. And in nights where I ran into her, I drank to ensure a good time so that when she happens to glance my way, she'd see how much better I'm doing.

Niki Cross, the ever charming and smiley roommate of mine had no trouble talking to girls. She cycled through so many of them in the past year that I've had to give them nicknames just to remember them. There's Stumpy, Grumpy, 4amer, Aggressive Lesbro, Flaky McDandruff, and Snorlax just to name a few. I, on the other hand, was much more successful in being her wingwoman. 

I was getting sexually frustrated and lonely at night. The thought of love or a committed relationship still scared the shit out of me so Niki stupidly suggested Tinder. 

I've always told myself that I'd never judge a woman simply by their looks but Niki raised her eyebrow at me and told me that this is a temporary solution to my problem. It is not supposed to be serious so there's very little need to get to know the woman besides the question of whether you have sexual chemistry or not.

So here I am browsing Tinder and swiping left most of the time. There are too many damn basic bitches on here. No matter how hot you are, I will swipe left if you have a duck face selfie or some emo, artistic photo of you staring into the camera. I also try to look for any indication that the woman is queer/gay or just woman loving because I will not be someone's experiment or additional person to their threesome. Also, because of Tinder's messed up programming, this damn app still gives me some men even though I've switched the filter to just women. 

The few that I happen to swipe right on rarely match with me and those who do rarely respond to my initial messages. I'm almost about to give up on this whole thing when I see this brunette grace my screen with her Penn State snapback proudly showing in her photo. Genuine smiles are rare on this stupid app so I'm immediately intrigued. Unfortunately, there is no indication that she is batting for my team so I'm hesitant to swipe right. 

Niki and her ever graceful timing decides to to peek over my shoulder when she notices my hesitancy.

"You never know until you ask, what's the harm?" she asks with that goddamn smug smirk of hers. After everything that happened in the last few months, I decided to stop fucking caring so much so I swiped right.

It's a match!

Fuck. I wasn't expecting that.

"Now message her something witty! Puns are great." I hate Niki sometimes. It makes me wonder why I decided to live with her cocky ass. 

"Fine. How about... What's a Lion doing in Tar Heel territory?"

"Dude, that's not even a pun. Nor is it witty. But hey, at least you noticed something about her"

"Whatever, I should stop brooding over this and just send it"

I rolled my eyes at Niki and made a show out of pressing the send button right in front of her face. 

No more than 5 minutes later, I get a notification "Ali has sent you a message"

Double fuck. She actually messaged me back, I can probably count the number of replies I've received with just one hand. Scratch that, I can count it with just one hand. 

"I'm here to confirm my suspicions that Penn State is so much better than UNC."

Sassy and confident. Two can play that game.

"Let me prove you wrong by grabbing a few drinks with this Tar Heel"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not following the timeline or ages hence why this is a little AU. I'm going to incorporate as many of them though so that there is still a sense of familiarity :]

You don't really expect her to respond so quickly but it makes you smile none the less when she does.

"You're on. Got a place in mind?"

You're grinning like a fool and Niki has thankfully shut herself up. But, like any great friend, you know that she'll be there in a moment's notice when you need her help responding to this quick brunette. 

You take your time browsing through her photos to satisfy your curiosity. You are relieved and maybe a little enamored that she doesn't have any glamor shots. All her photos are with friends, family, food or a dog. You quickly type out a response before you talk yourself out of it

"I do have a place in mind, it is actually my favourite bar. It's a little hidden and a little tough to find so would you mind if I pick you up?"

"What if you're a knife-wielding serial killer?"

"Actually, that's my brother but I share some information from time to time when someone crosses me"

You send out the response before you even think about what you've just said. You are pretty sure she is never going to respond back but you can't help the dry, sarcastic humour you possess sometimes. 

"Looks like we have a comedian here, pick me up at the The Village Apartments. I'm sure a good Tar Heel like you would know where that is"

Of course you knew where that was. It was the closest apartment building to the soccer field and the athletic center. Almost the entire UNC team and then some are holed up there except for the freshmen who by university policy, have to live on campus in the dorms. You wonder if this 'Ali' knew any of your teammates.

"You got it, I'll pick you up at 5pm?"

"Sounds good, what should I wear?"

"You could wear whatever you want, the bar is pretty casual. Just don't wear anything Penn State related"

"Anything Penn State related. Got it, I'll see you at 5pm"

You have to admit, she's witty and quick. The wonderful app telling you that 2 years older than you. You wonder what her major was or maybe is in college and hope that her sharp wit is just the tip of the iceberg. 

You glance at the clock and realise it is only 1pm. You have plenty of time to get ready but first, you inform Niki.

"Hey so... I'm going to get drinks with Penn State at 5pm"

"Ohhh, wear that shirt you know I like"

"No, I'll wear some UNC gear instead"

"You cannot show up to a first date in your soccer kit you moron"

"I'm offended you think I'm that stupid. No, I'll probably just wear a snapback or something"

By 4:00pm, you are showered, dressed up and ready to go. You always opt for your charcoal grey buttondown when you need to look good but with some black jeans and boots, you're actually starting to feel pretty good about yourself.

You try not to let your nerves get the best of you until you realize that this is your first proper date in a year. You sigh and the thought of flaking crosses your mind. Then you hear a large, exaggerated sigh from the corner of your living room and you see your dog staring at you. 

Most of the time, you think she's an idiot. She can't run, can't catch treats, is easily fooled by empty boxes and has selective hearing. But you know that that dog saved you as much as you saved her. The shelter named her Helga and you thought it was the ugliest name but after adopting her and seeing her, you decided to keep the ironic name. She only looks the part as she resembles a large wolf but in truth, she is neither brave or courageous. Fortunately for you, she is affectionate when you need her to be and has been one of the calm, patient figures in your life that anchors you during the last few months. 

Her look of disdain and disappointment motivates you to stop your short-lived pity party as you get up and grab her leash. After a quick walk, you settle her down for the night and make sure she's okay till you return from your date. You quickly grab your UNC snapback just before you close the front door and head downstairs.

As you walk down to the underground garage, you wonder whether or not you should take your motorcycle or your car. You decide on the safe route and go for the car for now. You've been riding for a few years but never with a passenger and would not want to risk injuring anybody right now.

You park your car on the street and make your way to the building's lobby. You've always made a habit of parking your car and meeting someone up close when picking them up. You find it more polite but also more personal and intimate. You always have a chance to see all of them, hug them if you're friends and make the other person feel less rushed. 

You're in front the apartment building by 4:55pm and shoot her a quick message to let her know you have arrived. At 5pm sharp, you hear the elevator ding to reveal the brunette. 

To say you found her stunning is an understatement. More often than not, pictures on social media are heavily edited to make the subject look better than they really do. You are floored to realise that she is quite the opposite, her photos do not her justice. She is captivating in her tight black jeans and white Penn State crop top. 

She finally catches your stare and smiles brilliantly at you. She makes her way towards you and points at your snapback. 

"I see you came prepared with your own gear"

"I had to fight fire with fire"

"Alright Tar Heel, where to?"

"To one of my favourite places on earth, Cable Car"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post another chapter tonight so that we can all take our minds off that Spirit game. Sigh.

"Thank you for picking me up, that was sweet of you"

"No problem, having a car around Chapel Hill can be a pain. Plus, I figured I had to woo the competition somehow"

You hear her chuckle as you open the passenger door for her whilst she gives you this amused look. 

You shrug and rush over to the driver's side and slip inside.

"So what's with the beat up towel in the back? Please tell me that's not what you use for cleaning up your victims"

All this time you've been blatantly and unabashedly flirting with her that it feels like every sentence you say requires a wink afterwards. You decide to just answer plainly and truthfully. Flirting is fun but you hope that Ali appreciates honesty and authenticity more.

"That's for my dog, she tends to drool so... I need some insurance"

"Well, if this date goes well, I'd love to meet her."

You start the car and drive towards Cable Car.

"This place looks really sketchy from the outside but I promise you it's not that bad"

"God, I'm really going to die tonight huh?" You thought you heard a bit of fear laced behind her words.

"If you want, you can text a friend about where you are, who you are with and even send her a photo of me if it makes you feel any better"

You see some tension leave her body and flashes you a smile. You decide to speak up some more to ease her worries.

"I'm not easily offended so you're welcome to ask me any questions and I'll answer them truthfully. If you touch upon a sensitive topic, I'll let you know"

"Alright, let's start with the basics. Major?"

"Communication Studies. You?"

"Advertising and Public Relations. Siblings?"

"An older brother named Chris. You?"

"An older brother named Kyle."

There was a bit of an awkward lull before you finally blurt out "Sports?"

"Now that's a vague question, do I like it? play it? am awesome at it? teams I support? Which one? You left yourself wide open there."

"All of the above."

"Haha, yes, yes, yes but always trying to be better. Is that even a question? Of course it is Penn State. I play soccer with them."

You smile so wide that you're afraid of scaring her off

"Of all the girls I run into, of course I match with a soccer player. I'm the keeper for UNC."

"Keepers are a little weird but they're all sweethearts"

"Did you just call me weird?"

"Well, we spend most of our time avoiding the ball when its coming straight at our face, you guys seem to enjoy it."

You find a parking spot and begin the arduous process of parallel parking.

"I apologize in advance if this is a really shitty parking job" you find yourself saying as you perfectly park yourself in the space on the first try

"Looks like you didn't need to"

"I believe in opposite jinxes. I tell myself I can't do it or that it's impossible and some part of my brain pushes me to do better and prove myself wrong"

You quickly get out of the car so that you can open the door for her and you hear a faint chuckle from her again at the gesture.

You lead her to a back alley with nothing but a bright pink neon sign in the shape of a martini glass. There's a bouncer waiting at the entrance who checks both of your IDs and leads you downstairs. 

"Oh, I forgot to mention that its underground so reception might be spotty. You sure you don't want to tell your friends where you are?"

You see her hesitate a bit and respond with "I'm sure."

You finally make your way downstairs and through a heavy set door to find Megan behind the bar. With dozens of great whiskey and other various liquors lining the wall, the dim lighted bar was a peaceful sanctuary for you. There are only a handful of seats up at the bar, a few discrete booths in the corners of the room, a large, plush pool table right in the middle and another large neon sign that pointing "BALLS" pointing to another heavy set door across the room.

You see her taking it all in. One might call the place a speakeasy and it is to an extent but everyone is welcome. There is no hidden password or guest list but the decor is on point, the staff is dressed to the nines and the drinks are stiff. 

"So far so good?" 

"This place is amazing, its absolutely gorgeous in here"

You take your seats right in front of Megan and see her giant smile.

"Ash, glad to see you back! And you've brought company... for moi?"

"Hahaha don't you have a girlfriend, pinhead? Anyways, this is Ali, she's visiting from out of state." You resist the urge to call her your date because this is not a pissing contest. Pinoe is your friend so there's no need to 'claim your territory'. Besides, you shouldn't claim anyone at this point anyways.

"Fair point, so what can I get you two?"

"The usual for me, Pinoe. Hey Ali, the place doesn't really have a menu. You just talk to pinhead over here and she will make something that'll blow your mind."

"The amount of trust you have in a fellow blonde is concerning."

"I like her Ash, you should keep her. So Ali, I'll need a few things to get started. I need to know your preferred base spirit so vodka, whiskey, tequila or gin? Then I need to know if you like things savory, sweet or sour and finally, do you like your drink to bite you back."

"Vodka and gin definitely. Whiskey reminds me of an old man sweating, I've never remembered anything when I drink tequila. I like all of them but sweet is usually my go to. Finally, I'd like to taste that I'm actually drinking alcohol."

"I've got something in mind, I'll be right back"

You've always appreciated Megan's flair for the dramatics and you find yourself settling down to enjoy her skill. She's fast, efficient and precise. You feel Ali's warm hand creep into yours and a comfortable silence follows as you both watch Pinoe.

She places your drinks down and walks away to afford you some privacy. You take your first sip knowing that Pinoe always get the proportions of how you like it just right. You watch her tentatively sip her drink before her eyes widen and break out into a brilliant smile.

"Oh... she's good."

"The best."

You fall into a relaxed but enjoyable conversation with each other and don't realize how much time has passed until Pinoe comes back out again and wordlessly makes you another round. 

"So if you don't mind me asking, how do you identify?"

"Oh.. I'm straight?"

You nearly spit your drink out but you somehow keep your composure and simply raise your right eyebrow in question and she gets the hint that she should elaborate. 

"Oh... I mean... I've never really thought about it to be honest. I've never gone on a date with a woman before but that's because no one has ever asked me out. I've never had to label myself before because I simply go with the flow. I've only had boyfriends before so I guess that's where the straight label comes from. I found your photo attractive, I find you even more attractive in the flesh and I like you so it's pretty simply to me"

You are not sure how to respond. You've heard too many disasters about the gay girl falling for the straight girl and you've vowed not to go through it... again. But Ali was different, it just never occurred to label herself and that's oddly refreshing. At this point, you've stopped caring because at the end of the day, she is on a date with you because she likes you, regardless of gender. 

I smile "So how's your first date with a woman so far?"

"It has been perfect so far, except for the fact that you're a Tar Heel"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for being patient with me. I will not bore you with excuses to my delay, I am at fault for that. 
> 
> But before you pick up your pitchforks, I present you with a new chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

You’ve always been the traditional sort of person when it comes to dating, love and relationships. Everybody assumes you are a player, probably because of the tattoos, the motorcycle or your strange ability to do well in social situations. Truthfully, you are a sap and a hopeless romantic. You are also incredibly insecure with your body and have trouble sharing it with someone until you are in a relationship with them. You believed that if they’ve already fallen in love with your personality, then your physical appearance wouldn’t matter as much when you do have sex. You’ve only had two girlfriends ever and only slept with them. You want to get married, have kids and grow old together. 

For the first time ever, this date with Ali didn’t feel like a precursor to anything. There were no expectations of a relationships or anything like that. It was uncomplicated, carefree and fun. Ali is beautiful, intelligent and has the uncanny ability to keep your typically emotional self calm. Maybe in another time, you could have easily fallen in love and gotten attached to her. But for now, so fresh from having your heart so completely broken by someone you thought you were spending the rest of your life with, Ali is a welcome distraction. 

Which is why you are currently having an internal monologue in the middle of the apartment she’s crashing at while she’s in the bathroom. By some miracle by the lesbian gods, you found parking right outside and shyly invited you for some coffee at 10pm. You’re not an idiot (at least you hope not) but you have a feeling that she doesn’t exactly mean coffee. You are pleasantly surprised when she steps out of the bathroom and starts making coffee. 

“I hope your friends know that you’re being a coffee thief.”

“Please, they’ve done worse to my apartment at Penn State. I pretty much grew up with them so our personal boundaries are pretty non-existent.”

She sets down a giant Penn State mug right in front of you then takes a sip from her own giant mug.

“Excuse me, why are you giving me your mug?”

“So that you can finally put your lips on something from Penn State”

Your eyes widen at her brazenness but you couldn’t fit the smirk on your face when you overcome your shock. Not one to back down from a challenge, you pull her in and kiss her as soon as she puts her mug down. You are delighted to feel her wrap her arms around your neck as deepen the kiss. 

When the kiss comes to a natural end, you notice that her arms are still around your neck and yours are around her waist. You hear her chuckle lightly and start to worry that you just confirmed her straightness for her.

“Wow… either you’re a really great kisser or girls are just much better at this.”

“Thank you for the compliment but you’re pretty great yourself so I’d have to say girls win.”

“So… it is getting late and my friends will be back soon but I’d love to see you again.”

“When do you have to go back behind enemy lines?”

“Till next week.”

“How about tomorrow lunch then?”

This time, she kisses you for confirmation and realize that Ali is a very quick and eager learner.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update for you guys. Thank you so much for all the lovely comments! 
> 
> Quick question: do you want smut in this fic? I've never written it explicitly before so I'm a little nervous about including it. Let me know!

You spend the next morning planning your lunch date and preparing backups just in case Ali decides to extend the date or something comes up. Some might call it wishful thinking but you hope to spend the entire day with her. Despite the constant companionship of Helga, you miss and crave for some human affection. In a week’s time, Ali will be back in Penn State and you will be alone once again. You’ll risk looking like a little desperate if it meant a few more hours with someone as beautiful as Ali Krieger.

Going against your better judgement, you decide to take your motorcycle on the date with you. It tends to scare most, if not all your friends and potential dates but you figured that it is the most efficient mode of transportation for what you have planned. So here you are, parked outside of the apartment, leaning against your bike as you wait for Ali to come bursting through the front door. 

You see her as soon as she steps outside and she simply takes your breath away. You can’t believe your fucking luck that someone as gorgeous as her agreed to go on a second date with you. You wave at her to get her attention and you see her freeze as she darts her eyes from you to your bike. You are suddenly gripped with fear that maybe she will cancel the date because of your poor choice in transporation.

“Holy hell, you ride a motorcycle!!”

Blushing, you start rubbing the back of your neck nervously as you quickly nod in response.

“You’re already hot but you just went up 100 points right now.”

“Phew, for a second there, I thought you were about to bail on me”

“Oh, I’m scared as all hell but I’ve always wanted to ride one. Why not have my first ride pressed against the back of a smoking hot keeper?”

“Ha! You are certainly turning on the charm today. Well, I’d be honored to give you your first ride.”

She grabs you by your leather riding jacket and kisses you in broad daylight. For someone who claimed she was straight 24 hours ago, she seems to give zero fucks about handing out affection. You certainly are not complaining as you deepen the kiss and pull her in between your legs, leaning on your bike for support. With your eyes closed, your mind is surprisingly calm when you’re kissing her. You take in all the sounds, tastes and sensations that is Ali. You revel in the softness of her lips as you start sucking on her lower lip. You note her firm muscles when your grip around her sides gets little tighter as her breathing becomes more erratic. She breaths out against you and she smells like cinnamon and coffee. You decide that everything about Ali exudes warmth and comfort. 

When you part and open your eyes, you are staring right at Ali’s eyes. Her gaze is so remarkably transparent and open that is like reading a book or watching a movie. You have no doubts about her intentions or feelings because the way she looks at you such playfulness, affection and a hint of arousal makes all the nerves, fears and insecurities melt away. 

“So let’s get you into some gear. It might be uncomfortable for a bit but it is always better to be safe than sorry. I apologize though cause… you might look a bit like a marshmallow.”

“A marshmallow? How much gear are we talking about?”

“Hahaha lots. No way I’m risking your beautiful face and killer body on my watch”

You give yourself a silent pat on the back when you notice the blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Alright so I’ve got you a jacket like mine, a helmet, gloves and some riding shoes. Here, let me help you put it on”

“Converse? I didn’t think those were considered riding shoes.”

“There’s more to it than meets the eye. I’m wearing the same ones but just in black. They’re styled to look like high top Converse but they’re actually reinforced with steel around the ankles to avoid them getting crushed or twisted if we crash…. which we won’t.”

After helping her lace up the shoes, you zip her up in your spare leather riding jacket and mentally thank the gods that you gave her the smaller sized one since it hugged her in all the right places despite the protective pads.

“You are not joking about this jacket. There are plates everywhere!”

“Yup! Back, chest, elbows and shoulders. Wanna do a chest bump?”

She snorts out in laughter and you realize how ridiculous you sound but she is already gearing up for the jump before you have a chance to say anything in return. 

She giggles as you bump chest to chest with the jackets and you can’t help but laugh along with her

“I’ve always wanted to do that!”

“Alright alright, we will never get to lunch at this rate so let’s get this show on the road”

You hand her your extra helmet and gloves before finally mounting your bike.

“I can’t believe you have a giant UNC sticker on your gas tank”

“I bleed Carolina Blue. Consider yourself lucky that I didn’t have my bike painted in like that. Anyways, mount the bike just like I did. Swing your right leg over the seat and straddle it. Kind of like getting up on a horse. Just wrap your arms around me and follow my lead okay?”

She nods and you both put on your helmet and gloves before turning on the engine. You feel Ali’s warm arms wrap around your waist as you speed off to your next date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I apologize for the long wait. Here is the next update! Yes, this is not accurate in terms of location and scheduling at all so I'll go hide behind a potted plant now.

It was an incredible date and an even more incredible night after. Between stolen kisses, affectionate touches and several rounds of sex, you are not sure what this all means. It was an unspoken agreement that things between you two are casual. Tinder is not the place to find the love of your life. You were already lucky enough to find someone who is STD-free and not crazy. Still, when her breaks wraps up and she leaves Chapel Hill, you can’t help but miss her. You text sporadically and occasionally call each other for impromptu phone sex but nothing truly substantial. You are caught in between wanting more and letting go. At times, Ali is wonderfully playful and affectionate. There are moments where she has completely caught you off guard with her care and kindness. Like, how she unexpectedly showed up at your doorstep one night after a particularly tough loss at home. You didn’t even know she was in town. At first, you were a little peeved that she didn’t even bother to tell you she was visiting. Until you noticed that she was carrying a bottle of Johnnie Walker and a brand new PS3 controller. 

“I noticed the last time I was here that you only had one controller. Can I add to your party of one?”

You play FIFA for a few hours and forget how cold and aloof she has been for the last few weeks. After another night of incredible sex and maybe one too many glasses of scotch, she’s gone again without another word.

Days turn into weeks that turn into months of radio silence. By November, you have given up hope that you will ever hear from her or see her again. A part of you is relieved because you are not ready for a committed relationship and Ali pretty much made the decision for you before you were in too deep. That is until you get a text from none other than Ms. Krieger.

“Is the bet still on for UNC vs Penn State?”

Holy shit. That was the last thing you expected to hear from her. In our never-ending battle for which college is better, Ali and I made a bet months ago that the winner of the annual football rivalry game can pick whatever they wanted to do in bed. This was the first form of communication in months and Ali brought up a very sexual bet. I’m fucked.

“I’m still down if you are.”

“I’ll be in town the week after the game. Get ready to lose!”

Penn State won. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or not. I wasn’t sure if Ali was open to sex or romantic gestures in general. If her previous behavior was any indication, I would have thought she wanted nothing to do with me. But lo and behold, she’s standing in front of me as we speak, looking as beautiful as ever. 

“Hey Stud! It’s great to see you again!” She practically launched herself into my arms and gave me a kiss.

I visibly hesitated and tensed up. Unfortunately, she immediately noticed.

“What’s wrong? Too much?”

“No, not at all. I just wasn’t expecting you to be so affectionate right off the bat. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“You haven’t yet so don’t worry about it. So… are you ready for your punishment?” and proceeded to give me the most adorable grin I’d ever seen. 

 

“As you know, Penn State is the superior school. My boys just proved me right this weekend and I’m going to relish this victory as much as I can.”

She produced a smorgasbord of Penn State gear - a beanie, a scarf, a sweatshirt even some obnoxious knee-high socks.

“You have to wear this all day while you give me an in-depth tour of your campus. Every time someone stares at your awesome Penn State gear, you have to yell “WE ARE PENN STATE” . I will also be taking a photo of you in your lovely outfit at every single iconic UNC landmark.”

“You are an evil genius, you know that?” 

“So I’ve been told”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is when things get fairly serious. I decided to steer this story off the happy cliff and into the ditch of despair. Enjoy!

You haven’t made love in ages. Sex? Fucking? Yes. But full-blown, heart-stoppingly beautiful love making? No. Not even close. They can scoff all you want, maybe even roll your eyes at you but you know that you have a clear distinction between fucking and making love. Fucking is equal parts pleasure, release and lust. Making love is a whole different ball game. You have the trust to explore each other’s desires and fantasies. You have the affection for tender touches and playful discovery. There is also almost a lack in urgency as you lazily trail your eyes down Ali’s naked body. God, you think you can lay there and touch her endlessly as she tilts her head back and kisses you soundly. 

After a ridiculously fun night through UNC’s campus, you almost forget about Ali’s months of silence. She taught you how to appreciate your surroundings from a much different perspective. Old spots and corners where you sent your freshman year alone are now replaced with the sight, sound and smell of Ali. Ali laughing at her ridiculous Penn State beanie on your head, Ali kissing you soundly in front of the Old Well, Ali enthusiastically taking a picture every five minutes to preserve your public humiliation forever. She does end up rewarding you for your patience and for being such a good sport.

Which leads you to this moment, basking in post-orgasm afterglow, naked on your bed. Laying on your sides, her firm ass pressed up right against you; you can’t help but feel ready for the third time tonight. Hoping to convince Ali in joining you once again, you cup her breasts and hear a low moan escape her lips. You squeeze gently before slowly running your fingertips over her nipple. You don’t know why she’s trying to keep quiet but you can’t help but love it when she bites her lip and sucks in a harsh breathe. You start rocking your hips forward as she reaches back and grabs your ass to pull you closer. 

You gently bite down on her neck and suck her skin, loving gasp you hear from her as you trail your hand across her stomach before finding her clit. Ali’s breath catches in her throat before she does something that completely surprises you and catches you off guard.

With a firm grip around your wrist, she drags your hand to her neck and encourages you to wrap your hand around it. 

“Please…” 

You squeeze just a little tighter and your hips move a little faster as you climb closer and closer to the end. Ali is moving just as much as you, arching her back and pushing her ass back as hard as she can to give you the most amount of pleasure possible. You’re soaked at this point and between the incredible wetness that’s painting Ali’s ass and the smooth glide of your skin against hers, you come hard. You lock up and tense almost every muscle in your body as you start before you relax everything simultaneously and give into your orgasm. The gravity of the situation dawns on you when you feel Ali’s throat flex when she swallows loudly and you let go. 

“Ali, I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to hurt you”. She turns and faces you before gently placing her hand on your cheek.

“You didn’t hurt me, I asked for it remember?”

“Not explicitly! I should have held back and asked for a more definitive answer, waited for your obvious consent”

“I don’t think there was anything more consensual than me leading your hand up like that”

“You don’t understand, it’s…. complicated. You can’t just do that.”

“What? You clearly came all over my ass and I pretty much soaked your sheets. I think we had a great time.”

You spare a glance at the sheets underneath Ali and you notice your handiwork and blush.

“Ali, we can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

You feel like you’re on some emotional roller coaster. Just a few hours ago, you felt happiness, affection, and maybe even the beginning of love at your date around campus. This was immediately followed by hours of sex and you feel like a million bucks. Now, all you want to do is run away and hate yourself. Almost everybody thinks that power plays are all about that. Power. It’s so much more complex than that and you only know too well how much it can fuck up your mind when it is not done right.   
“Because I’ve been through this before and I don’t trust myself just yet. If this… is something you want to explore, then we have to make some rules and follow it to a tee. You can’t start when you feel like it. You can’t get into a role or break it on a whim. We need to have a safe word and you can’t be afraid to use it. This is not a game or a competition. It is for my safety, as much as yours. ”

You’re not sure why you are explaining this all to her. You’re not even sure you can do this again. You admit it enough to yourself that this is something you enjoy immensely but unfortunately, was practiced incorrectly during your previous relationship that it was left you drained and unsure of yourself. 

“Ali, I need you to know something before this.” You tear up just thinking about it. You heart picks up just at the thought of finally saying this out loud. You are sure this will make Ali change her mind. It makes you sick to your stomach at what you’re about to share. There are times where you refuse to talk about it, hell even think about it. You can’t believe it happened, that it was real at times. You thought that maybe those memories will fade into nothing when enough time has passed. But here is your proof that you might not be able to ever forget your mistakes. 

“I’m sorry, I have a lot of trouble talking about this. It’s just that…. I just want you to know that…. please know that…. I never thought I could be capable of doing something like that. I always thought that I could always control it, keep a lid on it you know? It didn’t start out as an unhealthy relationship but it became one. We were young, in love and inexperienced. At first, it started out as simple, playful role-playing, then we started dabbling into some domination and submission roles. The sex got more and more violent each time. I’d like to think I’m not a physically violent person and my hesitance to inflict pain was very obvious at the beginning. Eventually, my ex started taunting me, provoking me in order to get a more… authentic or visceral reaction out of me. She would slap me, scratch me, sometimes bite me just so that she could see me genuinely angry. She knew when I’d be faking it or playing a role so the more I faked it, the harder she tried. I was confused and I didn’t know whether we were ‘playing’ for sex or we were genuinely having an argument about our relationship. The lines blurred and I no longer was able to distinguish what was fantasy and what was real.”

By this point, you had tears quietly running down your cheeks and Ali hasn’t moved at all, nor did you see any type of reaction from her. You just feel the gentle weight of her forehead against your shoulder and you are glad that her presence calms you enough to finish. 

“Things got out of hand one night. I wasn’t sure what was going on and whether or not this was sex or a fight. Next thing I knew, I had my hand wrapped her throat and I’m squeezing harder than I should have been. She looked me right in my eyes and I saw fear. The kind of genuine fear that made me realize that for the first time ever, she was scared of me and what I’m capable of. I don’t think I ever moved faster than I did that night but I immediately jumped away from her and apologized. But the damage was done, she was afraid of me and I became a monster.” 

Finally, Ali pulled her head back and look right at you with her glossy eyes. You are relieved when she doesn’t look scared. She is still in your arms as she presses a gentle kiss on you chin. 

You stay like that for the whole night. You are are too emotionally exhausted to say anything else and Ali feels like she’s still processing everything. You hold her close and hope that it is not the last time you’ll get to.

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at writing fiction in general so hopefully this turns out well. English is not my first language so I'd be more than happy to read any advice/constructive criticisms you all might have.


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